Somewhere we have a tea towel with the quaint old rules of cricket on – you remember them? It went something like,
You have two sides, one out in the field and one in. Each man that’s in the side that’s in goes out, and when he’s out he comes in and the next man goes in until he’s out. When they are all out, the side that’s out comes in and the side thats been in goes out and tries to get those coming in, out. Sometimes you get men still in and not out. When a man goes out to go in, the men who are out try to get him out, and when he is out he goes in and the next man in goes out and goes in. There are two men called umpires who stay out all the time and they decide when the men who are in are out. When both sides have been in and all the men have out, and both sides have been out twice after all the men have been in, including those who are not out, that is the end of the game!
I can’t help thinking that this just about explains our political situation. To recap:
1. The bloke who was Prime Minister still is, despite losing. He’s sort of squatting. Nice squat.
2. The bloke who won, didn’t really. Although he got the most votes he doesn’t win. It’s not that easy.
3. The bloke who was tipped to win came last, but looks like he could win.
4. If the bloke who came last joins up with the winner, they can rule – but they don’t really like each other. Or each others parties. Or policies.
5. The bloke who came last could cuddle up to the bloke who came second (but has not lost) but they don’t have enough votes to defeat the bloke who came first.
6. Realising all this the bloke who came second said he is going to stand down – soon. Not yet though.
7. So the successor to the bloke who came second (who we don’t know yet) will also have lost, but may have won. We don’t know and nor does he.
8. The bloke who won is trying to do a deal with the bloke who came last by offering a new voting system which would virtually guarantee that he would never win again.
9. There are some ‘others’ (not like on Lost), but they might only need to be called upon if the 2nd place and third place blokes join forces and start trying vote for stuff. Which the winner (now loser) will oppose – because he will be in Opposition.
Simple really.
The Queen needs to sort this out – by tossing a coin maybe.
I am going on my holidays in June – I hope they hurry up. To be honest the plot of the aforementioned Lost is easier to follow…..
