As I mentioned earlier in the week I was at the Paris Motor Show at the weekend. This requires you to go to France – an unfortunate necessity.

I had forgotten just how much the French hate us.

Some general observations from the trip:

Air France – from Terminal 4 at Heathrow – the furthest away one. Horrid. Might as well have gone to Gatwick?

Train from Charles De Gaulle airport to Gare Du Nord – broken. So forced onto a French bus (horrid). They chose to do Engineering works as they knew I was coming. And late at night.

Tutting in a French accent. Widespread and slightly disturbing. Also something no other Nationality can pull off. Jealous.

I try to speak my finest CSE* French – but they know I’m English so they just reply at the speed of sound in French – with local words. Not funny, big or clever.

‘Non’ is not a full explanation of a situation. Especially when said with attitude. Unhelpful.

Smoking within 10 yards of me especially whilst I am enjoying beer. I don’t want to smell like your Gauloise or an ash tray of Gauloise butts.

They smell because Forty per cent of French men, and 25 per cent of women, do not change their underwear daily – and only 47 per cent bathe every day (compared to 70 per cent of the British). (True Fact).

Rip Off. Sure a capital city – but £6 for coke is outrageous. It wasn’t The Dorchester either!

I think I preferred Geneva – much more civilised.

* Yes I’m that old – and in case you wondered I got a grade D – which I don’t think was good or bon.

UPDATE – apparently it’s not blackcurrant ‘cordial’ – more cordiale – thanks @Gillymin for the correction!