I think I have what it takes

I was asked in a lift on Friday whether I was a hard or soft centre person. I was horrified and mortified – I was the only bloke in a lift of 12 women – two are clients. They enjoyed the moment far too much. I was told, “well it is London”. Yes, maybe, but what was a bag lady doing in a lift?


I got in last night to catch the tail end of The Voice – one of those appalling TV shows that seek to humiliate people.

But there is a theme…

1. You need to be on a journey.
2. Ideally you need ‘issues’. I have issues now (see the opening paragraph)
3. It helps if you work with old people or children. I work in the property industry – which ticks both boxes.
4. It helps if you didn’t come with a silver spoon. A struggle helps.
5. You need to cry. Or at least weep a bit.
6. Your family need to be gobby. And scream at the judges (even though they can’t hear).
7. Music needs to have ‘moved you’.
8. A bit of death helps. Someone close (sniff).
9. Since they can’t see you, being a looker is not important (my mates all say I have a face for Radio)
10. Being able to sing is optional.

I feel as though I have lots of these qualities.

The only issue is that Jesse J talks to you – even if she doesn’t pick you. For this reason alone, “I’m Out”. But I think I could win it.

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