Category Archives: Grumpy Old Man!

A sign of me just getting grumpier and grumpier! I try to be an optimist most of the time, but just sometimes..I’m just grumpy!

Feb 23 2012

How many tickets do you need to board a train?

I am getting into that dangerous territory of becoming a grumpy old man. Children , windows logos and now trains – all in the space of a week.

There's no collective noun for a group of tickets - a pack perhaps?

I was in London this week and purchased my tickets on line. This relatively pain free on the east-midlands trains web site. You collect the tickets at the station. The machine took an age – mainly as the train was pulling up to the platform. It was like watching the kettle boil – it always takes longer when you watch it? That wasn’t my gripe.

On the way back I was earlier than anticipated – and had pre-booked a seat on the 4.15 train. Ideally I wanted to swap, but knew that on the train if you board the wrong one – you buy a whole new ticket at full price. So, sensibly, I went to the ticket office. I was ripped off £30 to change on to an earlier less busy train. Irritating.

But look at how many tickets and bits of paper I accumulated:

2 x tickets outbound
1 x ticket for underground
2 x tickets for return
1 x receipt on card
2 x tickets for ‘new’ return (I have lost one!)
1 paper receipt for ‘new’ return rip-off charge
1 x credit card paper receipt for ditto

10 pieces of paper / card. I need a new wallet to hold them all.

My warning though is that fortunately I hadn’t thrown my ticket away – because when I needed to upgrade the cheery lady told me that I needed every piece of paper the (slow) machine produced earlier on that day. So you do need a bigger wallet?

Come on East Midlands Trains – we surely don’t need all these pieces of paper? It cannot be beyond the wit of man to print everything you need on one (or perhaps two) pieces of paper. I am sure that in foreign climes they clip your ticket as you use it. EMT scribble on it – very high tech!

Oh, and one other thing, I don’t want a reserved seat. I don’t get a choice. I am perfectly capable of choosing a seat myself. I don’t need your computer choosing a tiny seat on the two-seater tables with the only other person in the carriage sitting opposite me! Especially when there are 25 empty four person tables…

Feb 21 2012

Children – don’t you just love ‘em?

For some reason when I am allocated a seat on a plane the nice man/lady at check-in must take an instant dislike to me. They invariably ensure that have small children either behind me – or just in front.

Turin to Birmingham shouldn’t be a long flight, but when three six-year olds are in front of you, it is. They seemed to think that bouncing up and down on their seats would somehow make the flight better. Well it didn’t for me. The good thing was that their parents were three rows away – close enough to keep a beady eye, but far enough not to feel the seat jamming into (my) knees. How thoughtful.

On the way out I had to endure a ‘little person’ behind who I think may have been a future Beckham. His parents did keep telling little Tarquin not to ‘express himself’ in that particular fashion. Tarquin thought it necessary to continue expressing himself with my seat as a target.

You do have to be careful on aeroplanes as I believe they take quite a dim view of public floggings. It’s quite easy to get banned I think.

Personally I would thrash the parents first.

I’m reading Malcolm Gladwell’s ‘Outliers’ at the moment (something that I will come back to) and he highlights some very bright kids who are taught to question things, to be inquisitive and not afraid of speaking up. I can see the merit of this, but I don’t think he was advocating a lack of manners. Because this is what is is. You parents who were on my two flights need to teach your kids some basics. Like that there are other people on this planet – not just them (and you).

In Italy they have an interesting way of dealing with unruly children….

Feb 19 2012

Windows 8 – so much more than a logo?

That other operating system is about to have another overhaul. Windows is having double glazing and a lick of paint. It will no doubt be faster, smoother, creamier and will bring a better user experience.

There is even a Director of “user experience for Windows”, Sam Moreau. And it looks like he was tasked with sorting out some branding. They employed a swanky agency who spotted that the old logo wasn’t a window, but rather a flag. Microsoft have been using the flag since the 1990′s – but no one has spotted this fundamental flaw until now. The good news is that this is all about to change.

Sam explains, “Windows really is a beautiful metaphor for computing and with the new logo we wanted to celebrate the idea of a window, in perspective.” Blimey – a “window, in perspective”.

Still, the blurb says that this new look is “humble, yet confident”.

There is a problem here. It doesn’t matter how pretty, humble or confident your logo is, you OS is just light years behind Apple. With all the marketing in the world, people still know it’s rubbish. They tolerate windows because most businesses can’t afford to wholesale change the IT system. Most people who have played with Apple – even for a few minutes – will generally tell you that the “user experience” is simply better.

Feb 18 2012

Music – taste is a matter of utmost importance!

I like my music, I have a lot of it – CD’s, Vinyl, MP3 tracks. I think I am at around 54,000 tracks now on iTunes – plenty to go at!

Grant from Feeder - great music!

But this week in Italy I have realised something. In the UK we simply have the best music (taking out X-Factor, Pop-in-the-Jungle and the similar Cowell produced meretricious tat). The Italians have no style when it comes to music. (I know about that Pavrotti character, but thats not my bag I’m afraid, therefore doesn’t count).

They seem to think that Bon Jovi and REO Speedwagon are somehow ‘cool’. They had a place in time, but it firmly belongs there – and not here now. Some music just doesn’t carry well. Some deserves to be buried.

I’m just amazed every time I come to Ski resorts it’s as if they haven’t been able to bring the new stuff with them on the Guinness lorry. And yet in this time of music downloads (which I don’t do!) I can’t help but wonder why they don’t have some of the new groovy sounds? There is almost nothing beyond around 1995 as far as I could tell. It’s as if they have a cassette tape and that’s it.

I guess the real test is whether there are an Italians who have made our charts. And that’s where I come unstuck – because I have no idea who is in the charts now. I haven’t done for a few years, I have just realised this. I’m not sure the charts is even relevant? I get my music predominantly from Radio 6 who consistently find new bands. But I tend to buy albums not singles…

I like to to think that my musical taste extends beyond the noughties!

Feb 17 2012

Skiing – a fantastic sport

You might have guessed that this week I have been away in Cervinia, Italy for my annual ski trip. It’s a great place – I like the 2 hour transfer time and the fact that you don’t have to fly into the worst airport in the world (Chambery).

There have been some things I have observed this week…

1. The Italians generally are not polite people. Except perhaps in bars and restaurants where their living depends on it. They may have style, but manners don’t come naturally. “Thank You” is free in my world.

2. English is an amazing language – on a lift one morning I heard an Austrian talking to an Italian – in English.

3. It was cold – at one point we reached -21 in the week, but did the place come to standstill? No certainly not. In the UK we would have put the ‘closed’ sign in the window. Of course they also had 2m of snow on the ground too.

4. Italian food is rather good – Pizza and Tiramasu are to die for, but the staple diet of pasta keeps those ski legs working!

5. If you are going to learn to ski – do it when you are six. Don’t wait until you are grown-up. It hurts more and you develop this thing to keep you alive called ‘fear’. Kids miss this bit out. Irritating.

6. Never get on a lift with a snowboarder – they can’t sit properly and insist on sitting ‘across’ you. If you do have the misfortune to get next to one it is a legal requirement that you ease them off the lift first – with a gentle but firm push – away from your direction of travel. This helps them and you.

7. Ski boots were not invented by God. They are the most uncomfortable footwear ever invented. The only time they are any good is when you take them off.

8. This is not a sport for the poor – it is eye-wateringly expensive. The lift pass was over £200 for 6 days skiing. The money does get invested in boys toys, but even so, you do pay a lot for the pleasure. And they are sneaky – if the lifts don’t run you get a refund. So on Wednesday they opened one small lift out of 50+ -so no cash back. Clever but irritating!

Yes it is sore.

So that’s it for another year. I only suffered one injury – I would love to tell you it was whilst I was doing a jump – but alas I slipped when getting out of the shower and my little finger is no longer my little finger!

Oh and my favourite top tip for skiers – “never drink the yellow snow…”

Feb 11 2012

Motivational Sayings …

I keep coming across motivational sayings, but wonder about some of them. My current favourite is “No Pain – No Gain”, whereas in reality it should surely be, “No Pain – Good”.

So, in an effort to bring some of these sayings into line, I offer you the following:

“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again” or rather ” If at first you don’t succeed – give up – try something easier” alternatively, “If at first you don’t succeed – try management”.

“Aim High to Reach your Goal” or “Aim low, reach your goal, avoid disappointment”.

“Never put off until tomorrow what can be done today” should be “Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether”.

And some others I quite like…

“Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.”

“Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity”

“A person who smiles in the face of adversity…probably has a scapegoat.”

“Plagiarism saves time.”

“Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all people who opposed them.”

“If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos…then you probably haven’t completely understood the seriousness of the situation.”

“Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.”

“We waste time, so you don’t have to.”

“Hang in there, retirement is only fifty years away!”

I hope that these help shape your day today….

Feb 8 2012

Fred the Shred – the tip of the Iceberg

I never really understood the hounding of Sir Fred Goodwin ex CEO of RBS – especially by Politicians. Maybe I do get it – maybe it was all about headlines – Fred the Shred was a cheap shot – referring to his actions post the ABM Ambro merger in culling jobs.

Back in the summer of 2004 he was elevated to that highest honour – being Knighted – to become Sir Frederick Anderson Goodwin. But this is no longer. After the attempts to get him to hand back some of the money he had negotiated as part of his severance pay (especially by the then Prime Minister Gordon Brown) he now gets zapped again by the Government machine. He has apparently brought the Country into disrepute and must revert to plain old Mr Goodwin.

It was apparently an ‘exceptional case’. I wonder why? He hasn’t been charged as far as I can see. Let alone convicted of a crime. The last people to lose their “Sir” titles were Robert Mugabe and Nicolae Ceausescu – blimey thats a big leap? Is he really in this category?

In the last few weeks we have started to see the trials of more Bankers in public. Their pay and bonuses, which was as far as I can see were agreed in advance of them joining or accepting new jobs, must now be slashed. The previous agreement doen’t suit us now. Not because they haven’t earned it, but because it grabs the attention of the ordinary man on the street and he is outraged at the money they earn. It’s called ‘gesture politics’.

I return to my previous view – we have started to live in a very polarised society where we seem to turn working folks – some of them very bright people – into villains. Does anyone really appreciate the pressure these people are under or what they actually do? I don’t think so. And stripping them of a Title won’t make any difference.

Feb 5 2012

Live music – one to miss?

I’m a big fan of live music – in fact I’m just a fan of music period. I listen to it most days – and you can tell from yesterdays blog, I can re-discover some amazing stuff! I listen to all manner of stuff.

Nottingham is apparently in for a musical treat, enticingly titled,”A celebration of the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee Concert”. Not only will there be a playing of the Queens favourite tunes – Gershwin, Corro, Sir Cliff and Morcambe and Wise. Wow – edgy stuff indeed. Grungy it’s not. It’s unlikely theres going to be dancing in the aisle – more flag waving gently I figure. Mrs Windsor isn’t actually going I don’t think.

But the real treat is that this gig is going to be punctuated with anecdotes from that most regal of reporters, Jennie Bond. She is regarded as more royal than the royals. And she is going to be telling stories about her life and times with the royals.

It sounds like a fun night out – those groovy tunes and the prospect of Mrs Bond spilling the beans and dishing the dirt. Unfortunately, I can’t make this particular gig – I’m washing my hair. My loss – I know.

Feb 4 2012

Musical Tastes?

My good mate Dr David Tetlow shared with me a great video a few weeks ago – C W McCalls “Convoy” from 1977. This got me thinking about some equally ‘great‘ music from the 1970′s and 1980′s. I really had to scrape the barrel for some of these. but in the spirit of trying to widen peoples choice I offer you the following…

These are the bottom of the barrel… but so bad that they are good? The double entendre in Meri Wilson’s Telephopne Man makes me smile to this day (and I remember it being released in 1977). I was saddened to learn from wiki that this talented (?) singer had died in 2002 – aged just 53… What a legacy she has left us though!

There’s 10 points for the identity of the Streetband’s lead singer (without resorting to wiki)….

Jan 29 2012

Punk Rock – for room 101 – I think not!

I have seen the new edition of Room 101 a couple of times in the last few weeks; the format is nowhere near as good as the original (what was I saying about originals last week?). But a few weeks ago Danny Baker was guest and suggested that Punk Rock went into room 101.

I have a lot of time for Mr Baker – I thought we were kindred spirits – he was, after all, there when Punk smashed onto the scene. He’s a bit older than me (not much!) so I had high hopes for him defending Punk, but alas no. He promoted it to be sent away to the great dustbin in the sky.

This is wrong on so many counts. OK, so some of Punks musical legacy is questionable, but some is still brilliant. Punk wasn’t just about ‘music’ (wonder what Alesha Dixon would think to the ‘musicality‘) it was about rebellion. It was trying to push against the blandness of the music scene, but also of the blandness soy life at the time. We were trudging through treacle.

I still listen to the music from that era – the period from 1977-1979 is still my favourite time. The Sex Pistols, The Clash, The Ramones, The Boomtown Rats, The Stranglers all feature highly on my iTunes ‘top played’ list. Who can ever forget Geldof tearing up a picture of the cuddly bunnies of Bright Eyes on Top of The Pops? This was what we needed…

So, in my view there’s no chance of putting Punk (and everything that followed it) into Room 101 – I think rather that we should resurrect is. And to prove a point I bought The Rezillo’s vinyl in New York just before Christmas – it is brilliant!

Punk Rock lives on…. and I wonder if it should make a comeback to rid us of the Cowell-ridden drudgery in the charts at the moment?