An eye test in the blink of an eye

Every twelve months or so I go through a little charade which some will know as an eye test. It’s usually coupled with a contact lens check. Sadly my eyes require tiny bits of plastic to allow me to see.


I had both checks last week at one of those High Street brands that is still alive, I’ll spare their blushes and not name them.

The whole ‘experience’ lasted just 8 minutes. This was probably four too long, but involved half of the test with the lenses in and half without. We decided I was just fine, no prescription change. Carry on as before. Like I have for the last 20 years.

The reason for the very short appraisal is that I allow them to skip the lecture on ‘health’. This is where they ask you how long the little beasts are in your eyes, you confess to 12 hours (meaning 15) and they tell you how very bad this is. Dangerous. Life threatening.

I don’t doubt that there are some risks (honestly) but there is a cynicism which I spotted some time ago. In essence they really want you to have more expensive lenses – the new super-duper variety with 300% oxygenating, polarising, anti-glare, waterproof, self-healing, coloured lenses on the market. At twice what you currently pay. They tell you that your eyes are a little bit worse than last time (but don’t have a picture) and that this is all for your own good. It’s not at all objective (no pun intended).

So the charade rumbles on. I promise to be a good boy. I won’t wear them for as long and will wear glasses more. I will wash my hands etc.

Well, until at least this Friday…

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