I struggle with English football. I think there is too much money in it – look at Derby last month. Bobby Zamora cost them around £80m with a single kick in the dying seconds of the game.

Last night it was painful (as always) watching England. But Adrian Chiles (and no doubt Gary Lineker too) will find the mathematical route through. We have to beat Costa Rica and other teams have to win and lose by specific amounts. And then we’ll be fine. We’ll be through. We can then suffer more as we face another better team.

The pundits have analysed and watched, oohed and aahed. “We were unlucky”. “We had so many chances”. “We are a young team”.”We had the better possession”. “More shots on goal”.

Last week it there was a consensus – we were really weak on the left hand side and Rooney was playing in the wrong position. Had it not occurred to the management that it would have been good to have sorted that stuff out before we got to Brazil?

At the end of the day it really is simple. You have to score goals. More than your opponents. If you don’t, you lose – it matters not if the game is beautiful. The missed chances are forgotten. Goals is what it is about. The rest is not relevant.

I personally am praying that the whole of the Italian team are all tested positive for drugs, Uruguay have to go home because they don’t have the right Visas and we beat Costa Rica 36-0. We can then progress and then go home after the next game…

I think I may plan to wash my hair next Tuesday teatime. And buy an England shirt now they are reduced today.