Now that I am back on the Apple system I can fully use the CityMapper app in London. It is brilliant and allows me to weigh up how to get about. This week I needed to get from Mayfair (the blue one on Monopoly) to St Pancras. It seemed that the easiest way was via a number 10 Bus.

Yes a B U S.

I am not used to these forms of transport. I am the person who attracts the nutter (not very PC I know but true nonetheless). Also I fear missing my stop and ending up in Scotland. But I risked life and limb and stepped on a Boris Bus.

The Boris Bus desires a special mention. It is the first bus to be re-designed in 500 years. It is green (actually they’re red but you get the idea). They have three entrances. They have two staircases. They know where they are so can warn you. It even told me if I got off at The British Library that I need to be careful of the traffic…No shit Sherlock.

But I have a few wee beefs. These buses cost three hundred and fifty five thousand pounds each. Each. £355,000.00. The price of a large house where I live, a cupboard in Mayfair.

They have no opening windows – so on Wednesday they resembled a Swedish Sauna without the Swedes. I lost three pounds…

Talking of pounds – you can’t actually pay on them – you need an Oyster card. The clippie doesn’t take wonga! That’s not terribly ‘inclusive’?

But I mentioned the doors and stairs – did anyone actually look at the gross to net floorspace? Clearly no surveyor did. Should have asked a valuer.